PURRFECT POUT

The other day, I woke up to find myself eye to eye with my cat Picquenjo. She had her head on my bloody pillow, I tell you!
I said, "Lady, who do you think you are? That is my pillow, not yours. You can't just go around sleeping in my bed with your head on my pillow. You are a cat, not a human!"
"Meow-wow, meeeow," she said, (and quite stroppily too).
"What?" I said.
"You heard me," she purred. "I am too a human. I'm just as human as you."
So I bought her this lipstick from Paul & Joe.

WISH I WAS HERE

I always thought the obsession with Orientalism and the mystic east was a 1910s and 20s phenomenon - I'm obsessed with Chinoiserie and old kimonos and Paul Poiret and all that - but then I stumbled on this painting, by John Nash, of the Banqueting Room at the Royal Pavilion in Brighton in the 1820s. And this pic of the Pavillion's recently restored Long Gallery.

This pad was where the Prince Regent kicked up his notoriously high heels much to the chagrin of his subjects, who were pretty pissed off by the decadence of "first gentleman of England" (remember Hugh Laurie's caricature of the prince in Blackadder who thought only of buying more socks?)

Anyway, 1920s Chinoiserie fever marked a resurgence in all things lacquered and lovely that the Prince had favoured. And it is lovely, isn't it? I mean who wouldn't want a Chinese screen or a flowing silk robe embroidered with a pile of sequins in the shape of a pagoda? Is there such a word as Japaneserie? If not, can we invent one?

TELL LULA I LOVE HER

Spent the day flicking through my old Lula magazines. Why are they so good? Who knows, but they just are. Which reminds me of my husband's favourite pirate joke. Only the pirate joke doesn't translate well into type, so I'll tell you his second favourite:
Guy walks into a bar with a chunk of bitumen under his arm.
He says, 'I'll have a pint please, and one for the road.'
Boom boom.

All images stolen from Lula magazine.

Red carpet...Whatever

Been there, done that. Next time I launch something I am going to shamelessly copy the lovely Michelle from the cutest ever new store in Sydney's Manly, Sissy White.

Michelle welcomed guests to her boutique opening on A PINK CARPET. Too good. So what's Sissy? A tres chic new fashion emporium, which just so happens to stock Mrs. Press as well as treats by one of our favourite labels, Lover, and posh togs by White Sands. And what's that penguin doing on the table? Michelle is pals with Manly's fairy penguin population, and at her soiree she auctioned off a cache of goodies to help protect them. Penguins in sand! Who knew? Je = in love with these guys. Might even go to the beach this summer now I know they hang there.

Sissy White, 23 Belgrave Street, Manly, NSW, Australia

A CURE FOR MONDAY-ITIS

Grace Kelly. Of course. A lovely long look at Grace lifts the spirits je reckon. And wasn't she so good at summer dressing? Inspiration, methinks. xxx

WHAT'S UP LITTLE SUZY?

Magic, that's what. When milliner Suzy O' Rourke launched her summer range she brought the circus to town with a ribbon carousel with a chandelier in its centre, one room filled with white balloons and a carnival of dancers. Ballerinas, posh hats and ribbons galore. Don't you just love Suzy? I know I do. I shall be wearing one of her creations for Melbourne Cup.

RABBIT JOY

Have you seen the super jewellery site Wanderlust & Co? It's my new obsession. Clever expat Aussie Jennifer Low runs it from Kuala Lumpur.

I am COMPLETELY CARROTS over her bunny ring, which arrived in my post box this morning. It seems Jenn and I share a love for rabbity friends (we both have the same Thumper pajamas - and there were you thinking I was all about monogrammed silk). Rabbits rock.

THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY

I've always wanted to be an agony aunt. When I was a kid, my friend Rachel and I
used to make up fake love woes and send them into the local radio station's problem
solver. I think her name was Dierdre.

"Dear Dierdre, My husband ran off with a waitress but he bought me
a really nice diamond. Should I mind?"

I hope you don't make up fashion worries to send in to "Ask Mrs. Press".
But I would v. much like to hear about your genuine style conundrums.
What to wear where? How to work this and that? What goes with what? How to
crack the dress codes; how to make an entrance; how to edit your
wardrobe...so many questions, so much fun!

Each month I will be carefully considering all matters of style etiquette in
my new column for Instyle magazine.
Got a style problem? We've love to hear from you. Send your queries to instyle@pacificmags.com.au

xxx

TALKING OF SWAN NECKS...

I'll bet Audrey Hepburn never had to tap under her chin with a wooden spoon 60 times each morning to try and spur it into trim and terrific...Double chins suck.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, SWANNING ABOUT LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE?

So last week we shot the utterly beautiful Joanna from Australia's Next Top Model and she reminded me so vividly of the Jacqueline de Ribes with her super-long and graceful swan neck. Then my friend Fleur sent me a thank you card featuring a pair of swans gliding elegantly along their watery runway. It got me thinking how much I adored Bjork's Marjan Pejoski swan dress, which so many tabloid hacks failed to understand. A dress with a neck like a swan! Genius! So now I'm obsessed with swans. Which is handy because fashion's sure to be having a swan moment some time soon, what with Natalie Portman playing a dancer in Black Swan. Do you know swans mate for life? Lovely...

Pics from top: de Ribes by Richard Avedon; Portman's dark bird, crazy beautiful Bjork in that dress; Natalia Vodianova as seen in US Vogue; graceful girl-most-likely Joanna shot by Zanita.

FAIRGROUND ATTRACTION

Over the top? Me? Clearly. I do love a theatrical moment and right now fashion is on a roll-up, roll-up! roll, with Tim Walker channeling Ballets Russe iconography on Karli Kloss for the latest UK Vogue; Sydney milliner Suzy O'Rourke taking the fairground as her muse for her latest collection and Chanel creating a carousel of pearl-strewn wonders fit for a drama queen. Even Juicy Couture (shot by Walker, natch) is going Gaga for circus chic - zebra print, anyone? The show must go on.

TRASH OR TREASURE?

Now you've probably all worked out by now that I do love a trash novel. Daniele Steel, Penny Vincenzi, Jackie Collins...these are a few of my favourite not-so-literary things. It's all very well wading through Turgenev, but I defy you not to wallow in the pure pleasure that is Collins' masterpiece, The Bitch. Hello?! Hysterical. And don't even get me started on The Stud. I also drink up vintage trash. Agatha Christie is the undisputed queen. But I've just discovered a new guilty pleasure-inducing saga to loll in bed with: Mazo de la Roche's Jalna series. O.M.G!! (as the kids text)...love, love, love this indulgent rubbish from the 1930s through the 50s.

I first head of Mazo (whose real name was the somewhat duller Louise) a few years ago via a biography of Nancy Mitford in which is noted that literary giant's scorn at Pursuit of Love being eclipsed - in popularity at least - by some Canadian drivel about five generations of wealthy settlers in Ontario. Said drivel was of course penned by de la Roche.

Soon after, in a charity shop in Newtown, I stumbled on a complete set of these books from the 1950s. They were $15 the lot so I bought them all, if only for the lovely muted colours of their spines. Only last week did I start actually reading these beauties and hey ho, move over PV, JC and, yes even Danielle. This page turning pap is my thrill of the week.

On another note, to tie all this together, did you know that Jackie's sister Joan starred in the 1978 film version of The Stud (genius, I tell you) and that somewhere out there is the soundtrack on vinyl with Joan on the cover, pre-empting Kylie Minoque as a sort of pre-Village People gay icon in the making, in a corset and On The Buses cap. If anyone has a copy, please let me know!